"I know who you are, Dean. I can see John's eyes in yours, hear him in your words. It must hurt you to know this, but things are set in motion now that I can't ever escape. You might hate me, for going against your wishes. For getting out of bed on November 2nd 1983. I haven't forgotten. I won't ever forget. But you have to know that it's what I have to do. Because whatever might happen to me that night, it leads to the man who stood there and tried to save my life. And you are spectacular."
AN: This is linked to The Campbells tentatively. I can't believe she forgot, and John and Dean looked startlingly alike. (again, awed by the casting)
Mary reminds John of his mother. Capable of such loving intensity. When her father suffers a breakdown, killing her mother and himself, the strength he sees in her as she recovers is awe-inspiring. She seals that part of herself, her parents never to be mentioned again. John's father walks her down the aisle.
When she asks to name her first child for her mother, John agrees immediately. His Impala fills with laughter as they drive home with a baby boy.
When she asks to name their second after her father he thinks maybe she might have finally forgiven Samuel Campbell.
AN: I have to wonder what Mary said to John, after that night. She starts a family tradition then and there. And she never told him about hunting. What a killer of an ending/beginning.
AN2: I've read in a couple of places that it was funny how Dean was named after himself... he totally isn't. It was his grandmother - that was the joke!! Dean should have been Deanna.
John's father had been a frustrated, angry man. He'd done his time in the marine core; a better shot than most, he'd been taken places he hadn't wanted to be and seen things he never wanted to again. He told John about it in bloody, gory detail whenever his mother was out of earshot.
His mother had been the only one capable of reigning her husband in. She had been a powerful woman; will of steel and a gentle smile. She hadn't told any of them she was ill. Not until the hospital called. Then all she'd managed was goodbye.
Dean starts his growth spurt at twelve. It becomes a joke as he out grows another pair of trousers, another pair of shoes - too fast to hand them down. He's twice Sam's height when he stops at six-one and John's kinda glad. It's always been hard giving orders to someone taller.
Sam's small for his age at twelve, and thirteen, and fourteen. He screams at his dad that it's his fault; bringing them up in a fucking car. He starts growing a week later and doesn't seem to stop. John wonders if that's why his orders don't stick anymore.
AN: The casting for that episode was genious. Truly. And the fact Sam was the same height at twelve as at eight, head and shoulders shorter than his classmates, entertained me no end.
That night at Bobby's – hell looming over their shoulders and angels foreboding in front – Sam takes the sofa automatically. He's at least eight inches taller than the last time he slept there, but it doesn't seem to matter. Dean pulls out the air mattress from where it's always been, throws a sheet at his brother. Bobby comes down and frowns at them, takes them upstairs to the room their daddy used to use, a decent enough bed. They exchange a glance and turn and go back downstairs without a word. Too many ghosts for a day like today.
AN: That can't have been comfortable. I'm sure they've slept in/on worse (the back seat of the Impala for example) but still.
Not long into the realisation that Sam was meant for the destruction of the planet under the guidance of the demon he'd hunted all his life, John realised that he couldn't kill his own son. He didn't have the capacity, the strength. When life tried to take his eldest away from him he evaluated his options and didn't think hard on it. He chose hell over losing either son. Sam had Dean, had always been safest with Dean. And if everything went wrong…
Whispering into his ear, he handed Dean the worst responsibility of his life. And then he died.
AN: Linked closely with Broken Promises and Drawing the Line. I'm not going to call John an idiot again, it would be redundant.
When he found out that the demon that killed his Mary was gathering an army of human soldiers, willingly turned - not possessed - his morality was torn. His job was to kill the monsters - that one monster specifically. Humans were a different matter entirely. When he heard the rumour than they were demon-enhanced psychic killing machines, he felt better. That was well within the realms of monster, he could kill that. When he found out about Sammy's visions - when realisation dawned - the decision was long made and the horror of it all settled over him like a cloud.
AN: Linked closely with Broken Promises and His Own Son. I often wonder why John was so surprised when he found out about Sam's visions. He had to have known something similar was coming. He knew what was planned. Maybe you can pick up a blind spot when you don't want something to happen strongly enough.
AN2: Left this short with the lyrics "Psychic killers, Qu'est ce que c'est? Na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na" in my head. Talking Heads. Win.
Dean did best by his brother in everything that covered his safety, but sometimes John thought he might have a bit of a sadistic streak in him. He always used to lay claim to the sofa at Bobby's – leaving Sam to the thin air mattress hauled out for their visit. He was older, worked harder, was more beat up. All the excuses and more came out. Bobby calls him on it when he's tall enough for the scene to look comical. Sam finds out that night, going to bed jubilant, that the stuffing is failing and the upholstery rough.
AN: Brother love. Sometimes comes in awkwardly shaped packages.
The friction between them starts early. They're both too strong to be in the same place, and while Dean will happily defer, submit, anything for his father's approval; Sam can only ask why. Why are we never safe? Why salt on the threshold? Why do you abandon us? Why isn't protecting us enough? John can only leave his answers empty and hope he finds out for himself.
As John learns and searches, discovering what's planned for Sammy, he knows his promise to Mary to protect her Sammy was going to be the hardest promise he would ever have to break.
AN: I can't even think what was going through John's head when he made that decision. You have to assume that if he could ask Dean to do it he was willing to do it himself. This one is linked closely with Drawing the Line and His Own Son
They'd been fighting when they arrived at Bobby's junkyard, John sliding to the stop in the gravel drive, Dean in the passenger seat with his arm's crossed, Sam in the back behind his father with his face pressed up against the glass. John slammed the car door behind him as he got out of the car, and that more than anything told Bobby just how serious this discussion was going to be. Less than an hour later they would leave – the Winchester family – at the business end of Bobby's shotgun. Bobby would never see that family whole again.
AN: I thought it was sad that Bobby never got a chance to say goodbye to John. That the time he drove him out of the house at gunpoint was the last time he saw him alive. I'd like to think the thing they were arguing about here was Sam going to college, and that Bobby was telling John what an idiot he was not to let him go. Maybe that gave Sam the courage to leave on his own.
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